You Know You've Had Too Much Coffee When...

- You answer the door before people knock. - Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you. - You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit. - You spend your vacations visiting "Maxwell House" - You speed walk in your sleep. - The Nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. - You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. - You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. - You sleep with your eyes open. - You have to watch videos in fast-forward. - You're the employee of the month at the local coffee house and you don't even work there. - You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. - Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. - Instant coffee takes too long. - You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. - You help your dog chase its tail. - You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson. - Your first-aid kit contains 2-pints of coffee with an I-V hookup. - You short out motion detectors. - You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. - You lick your coffee pot clean. - Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. - You chew on other people's fingernails. - All your kids are named "Joe" - Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low" - You buy 1/2 and 1/2 by the barrel. - You can jump-start your car without cables. - You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. - You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. - Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down. - You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. - When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup." - -When someone asks, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop." - Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. - You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee. - You named your cats "Cream" and "Sugar" - Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position. - Your 3 favorite things in life are: coffee before, coffee during and coffee after. - You can't even remember your second cup. - Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.